PhoenicianDream's Journal
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8 entries this month
Phone numbers
17:37 Nov 17 2007
Times Read: 1,164
OK peeps..
I need your phone numbers again. My phone book on my cell went buh-bye.
Please send them when you get a chance.
Much love,
X
Bye bye Emomo17:03 Nov 14 2007
Times Read: 1,185
I'll miss you... a lot.
Spending almost every day with her for the last 6 months, was probably the closest I'll ever get to having a baby of my own.
I'll miss you little monkey. Be safe.
ugh
05:29 Nov 10 2007
Times Read: 1,213
I feel like hammered shit.
*points to new moon*
*points to head*
*points to empty karma pool*
You ever have one of those headaches... where you want to lay on the floor with your head in the doorway... and just smash your head with the door repeatedly until you can't feel any form of throbbing anymore?
Me either... but I'm starting to think that I'm just about there. It sounds inviting.
The problem with the differences between where I live now and where I lived before... is that here, there is no heat to keep me out of the sunlight. So, I spend too much time out in the sun. I don't notice it until I see the "flashing spots" (that's really the best way I can describe them), and by then it's too late. There is no preventing the headache that will come afterward.
I need.. to lock myself in a very dark, comfortable, quiet room until this passes (which usually takes about 10 hours in a quiet dark room). Unfortunately. That place does not exist right now.
I'll just have to live with it until I figure something out. =/
Maybe I completely fucked myself...
20:14 Nov 09 2007
Times Read: 1,223
I spent the majority of my morning looking for someplace to live and a storage unit for my shit.
I wanted my outstanding debts to be paid off before I found somewhere to live. It doesn't look like that is going to happen.
It turns out I may not even be able to find somewhere to live because of said debts.
I haven't even started my new job yet. I have no idea when I'll get paid, or when I'll be able to move. I should have gotten a fucking job in July. If I had I wouldn't be quite so financially fucked right now.
I don't have any clue how I'm suppose to watch a baby all day, shuttle people around in the afternoon, cook and clean in the evening and work all fucking night.
I'm going to give myself goddamn ulcers thinking about it.
You ever get the feeling that maybe you completely and totally fucked yourself?
Yeah.. things weren't suppose to turn out like this. As a matter of fact... nothing really is going how it was "supposed" to.
*bangs head on desk*
03:59 Nov 09 2007
Times Read: 1,228
I could really use some fuckin tylenol right now...
I've had this headache for two damn days.
Life is Painful
04:44 Nov 07 2007
Times Read: 1,239
Huh.. now that I've reread what I've written. I don't want anyones sympathy... and I'm not comparing myself to or trying to out-do Khay. She just inspired a chain reaction of thought for me, and I felt the need to credit her for that.
Khay is on my list of favorite journals. It was her heart attack entry that got me thinking about things.
I've had chest pains since I was eleven years old. I remember going to the doctor because I was constantly telling my mom that "my heart hurt". Of course, like almost every ailment I've had the second I step foot into a doctors office there are no symptoms. =/ Stupid body.
As I've grown older I've come to realize that it's stress that causes my chest pains. (It's kind of scary to think that an eleven year old could get that stressed.) But now that I'm older I recognize the pattern. I can look back and reflect on it. When shit is just not right is when I feel the pain.
I'm sitting here now... feeling a dull pain. It's nothing like how bad I feel when I'm extremely stressed out. I don't notice it all of the time. I suppose I could say that I've come to live with it. I know what causes it, and I do my best to remedy the cause of the stress whenever I can.
Maybe someday I will have a heart attack. Maybe I will not. I don't fear whatever will happen to me. I have no kids, no one to worry about if they'll be ok when I'm gone. I have literally a handful of friends and famly members that will miss me when I'm dead... and they will all survive.
PRIVATE ENTRY
04:09 Nov 07 2007
Times Read: 1,243
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
-.^
23:52 Nov 03 2007
Times Read: 1,268
In the immortal words of my buddy...
Boo-Fucking-Hoo.... get over it.
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